Beep. Beep. Beep. That was the home answering machine the other night. Rare that anyone calls my home during the age of cellphones that are practically like another organ. So I listened to it and then listened to it again. A stranger somehow found my number and wanted information on hospice. My first thought - this is different, but there's a Higher power that drives things in life. I only know of hospice from when Grandpa was ill. So, the next morning, I called the person back and we chatted.
In the past few days I have shared moments with two people challenged with the ever present lingering notion of when cancer will rear its head again. A challenge to one's faith.
Tonight a call to check on a neighbor.
There have been so many of these types of occasions lately. It is like I am getting this re-assurance of what Mom said the other night - you are a true public servant. There is a reason why you have no spouse and children, at least yet. As a friend echoed, your calling perhaps is to be with and give widely amongst people who know you listen with more than just an ear. A person who takes the time to find answers after others have searched...even when it may be right there, yes right there, in front of their faces as those are the most difficult to self-see.
Up in the air a lot these days, I suppose increasingly so through this past year. The house will be paid soon. It was supposed to be the starter place. My professional careers have taken me down so many diverse paths - well, it's Sybil-istic. Not one to ever plan beyond a few days, and without an ounce of competitiveness or manipulation. I was raised with the notion that women were to find men so they could be taken care of for their life. While I have no qualms regarding that personal choice, I find it to be fertile ground for great limitations and lasting devastation. Love is to push each other to a level where alone you would not achieve. There are still a sect of women who purposefully seek those that will provide for their every want (not necessarily need) independent of the consequences to others. The deep inner belief of two becoming one shall never be truly welded when one person of the package is there because of what he or she gets, instead of gives. Breaks my heart to witness this erosion of a person for another.
Do unto others...